Superbowl Weekend

I'm having a setback this week. I have been working very hard, that is for sure, but some bad news yesterday set me off on a food and too-expensive champagne mini-bender (so it lasted like 1 hour but still.) I'd already used my "bank" of extra Points on Thursday when my friend and I visited the Indian lunch buffet - which was awesome - so yesterday was the first time in my entire span of WW that I've gone off-plan. I've been on WW an entire month, too! And so far, I've lost 6 lbs. Which is good, right? But yesterday was completely off-plan in terms of my plan for 2009. Major monkey wrenches. We will have to see where it goes.

The economy is unpredictable, that's just basically what I have learned. I have my job, I am grateful for my job, but things were not what they seemed, I guess I'll leave it at that.

Now as I sit here typing, its 7 am and I feel guilty, my mouth feels like I am chewing on cotton, and I wonder the same thing I wonder every time I use food to "fix" how bad I am feeling. I feel guilty, I feel ashamed, I feel sad and disappointed in myself. I also feel motivated to start over, get up and go, get on with it already. The voice of the angel on the shoulder says "Just don't worry - yesterday is gone and all you have is now! Forgive yourself and move on!" (My angel looks a lot like Oprah).

But the devil on the other shoulder still has his little guilt-inducing voice too. "You'll never do it. You've tried for years to get to the weight you want and you've failed every time. Failure is the only constant in your life. Your legs hurt because you danced yesterday, your knees hurt because you walked, your shins hurt because you ran. Your belly hurts from the disgusting Dominoes pizza you forced yourself to eat - you weren't even hungry! You didn't even TASTE the pizza, you just ate it like a dog, or a horse, just chewing and swallowing without any feeling. And champagne, too - "celebrating" your anger and your frustration of things you can't control. See what happens when you try? The lesson you should learn is, you can try, but you're going to fail, so why bother trying?" (My devil looks like a cross between Homer Simpson and Joan Crawford. Weird combo, I know. Just flow with me here.)

Sigh. Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. I've promised to make my famous family recipe chili (do not even think for one second I will actually post this recipe) as well as a vegetarian chili for my non-meat-eating friends. I'm also going to make a cheese fondue (I have a fondue pot. I don't have a microwave, or a conventional oven, or even a full-size refrigerator, but I have a fondue pot. And a popcorn popper, maybe I'll make popcorn tomorrow too. I have the most offbeat appliances but I actually use them!)

Tangent, sorry. But what I mean is, I'm going to be surrounded by food tomorrow. If my angel
is stronger, I will be able to control myself and enjoy myself. To me, those two things go hand in hand. I hate this feeling of waking up after a night of letting myself just become a non-entity, someone who doesn't care about herself or her well-being. Its self-destructive, and it never feels GOOD. So if I can pick myself up, dust myself off and go to the party armed with two chilis for the chili cook-off, and if I can plunk down a ooey, gooey, delicious fondue pot, and if I can be surrounded by at least 8 kinds of chili (CHILI COOKOFF!! Wooooo!) and dips and chips and guacamoles and cheeses and meats and meats and meats and someone is even making breakfast for the early birds and all that lovely beer and wine and booze and friends and fun....

If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.

But...is that too much pressure? At what point does self control go from being a healthy practice to bordering on obsessive and unhealthy? Am I being too hard on myself? Who's voice am I going to hear on my Monday Morning weigh-in?

Work

One of my favorite workouts is walking my dog. My best friends have dogs too, so we like to let them all play together. However, some of the doggies don't get along. So today we took them all for a walk and did a little bit of "Dog Whisperer" stuff with them. And wouldn't you know it? IT WORKED. One of our dog went from being aggressive and anxious around other dogs to calmly walking with them and being part of "the pack". I'm converted! And, its HARD WORK!

Airport Day from Hell, and Shrimp Scampi for a VIP Mom

I know you've all been anxiously awaiting my return from Idaho, where I met my VIP's mother for very first time. It was planned to perfection - the VIP was due to arrive within 20 minutes of my own flight on Friday, and we would spend our weekend together, along with his mother. The VIP's uncle was also due to arrive that Friday afternoon, and we were looking forward to seeing him as he had just returned from a major medical procedure in Utah that kept him there for 6 months. It was his homecoming, it was a homecoming for the VIP, and it was a Very Important Visit for me as well to meet the family.

Here's a rundown of how the schedule should have happened on Friday:

1:20 pm - VIP arrives in Idaho from Chicago (via a flight leaving around 7 am from CHI, stopover in Phoenix)
1:40 pm - I arrive in Idaho from LAX
2:00 pm - VIP and I get picked up from Idaho airport
6:00 pm - VIP Uncle arrives in Idaho
8:00 pm - VIP's mom invites friends over to meet the VIP and me, we eat, drink, and have fun into the wee hours of the night

Here's what actually happened on Friday:

4:00 am - VIP wakes up
5:45 am - VIP arrives at O'hare
6:30 am - VIP, in line to board airplane for 7 am flight, is told that there is a mechanical problem with the flight and there will be a 3 hour delay. No problem, except that means he misses his Phoenix connection to Idaho. He gets in line to get assigned another flight.
7:00 am - VIP is told by US Airways that the earliest flight they can put him on is at 8:00 PM (PEE EM) which would get him into Idaho by 11:00 PM (again, PEE EM). However, there are 2 earlier flights on different airlines, and he can go standby on any one of those airlines.
8:45 am - VIP makes Standby Attempt #1. He is first in line for standby, and almost makes it but is thwarted at the last minute when that plane has to actually reject passengers due to weight restrictions (sounds like more passengers should have made the same New Year's resolution that I did...)
11:45 am - VIP makes Standby Attempt #2. He is rejected due to a full flight.

Around this same time, I am arriving at LAX for my on-time flight. My only hiccup in travel plans was being rejected - AGAIN! - from the United Airport lounge. Apparently my travel card only works in CERTAIN airport lounges, and United is not one of them. The heart bleeds and Argentina cries for me.

10:00 am PST (noon CST) - I depart for Idaho. On time. In fact, we're going to get there early.

Between noon CST and 2:00 pm CST - VIP is exhausted, frustrated, and hating the fact that he still has 6 - 8 hours to sit in O'Hare waiting for a plane. He asks to speak to Customer Service to see if he can get some sort of meal coupon or access to a lounge for his troubles. He is told he needs to leave the secure section of the airport to do so. VIP complains to one person who gives him a list of phone numbers; he spends 15 minutes getting an automated telephone runaround, finally dumping him into a voice mail.

VIP gets back in line, and this time gets to speak to a supervisor who finally does what she can, and that is gives him compensation for both lunch and dinner - both meals he should not have had to eat in the airport that day. VIP takes his stuff and has to go back through security - and of course, he is "randomly selected" for a very, very thorough security screening. Randomly, of course.

1:20 pm, Idaho time - I arrive in Idaho, and the VIP's mom is waiting for me.

3:00 pm, Idaho time - We get lunch at a local Applebee's because they have a WW menu, and we're both apparently on WW! We are going to get along just fine. I am enjoying my time with a new friend, while the VIP stews and simmers and tries to sleep in O'Hare. T-minus 4 hours until his flight; T-minus 8 hours until his arrival.

6:00 pm, Idaho time - VIP Mom and I go back to the airport to pick up VIP Uncle. We get him and VIP Aunt on their way back home. T-minus 1 hour until VIP's flight; 5 hours until arrival.

8:00 pm, Idaho time - I've also been up since 4 am. I ask VIP Mom if its OK if I lie down for a quick nap so I can be alert when the VIP arrives. This is, of course, OK. However, shortly after I lie down and pass out, the VIP Mom's friends show up - they had planned to come over to meet the VIP and me specifically, neither of whom were actually around when they showed up - so they just hung out with the mom instead.

Now, I'm not sure on the time of this, but it was before 10:00 pm Idaho time - Bad news about the VIP Uncle. A complication arose requiring him to be taken to the ER. VIP Mom woke me up to tell me but assured me she would be home in time to pick up the VIP, and I could keep sleeping. T-minus 1 hour until VIP arrival.

10:45 pm Idaho time - T-minus 15 minuts to VIP arrival. I am still in bed. I am not at the airport.

10:46 pm Idaho time - VIP Mom pulls up and we jump into the car and speed to the airport.

10:59 pm Idaho time - We are at the airport waiting. VIP is not there yet. WHEW!

Shortly after 11:00 pm Idaho time - The VIP, weary, bleary-eyed and carrying the weight of a really, really crappy day on his shoulders walks through the door. I've never seen a more beautiful sight :)

After we all got back to the VIP Mom's house, none of us lasted very long awake. VIP mom had made 3 trips to the airport that day, countless running around trips, and both the VIP and I had been awake since 4 am. Cranky because we had an almost full day taken from us due to airplane hellgames, and because it was late - but still very happy he made it safely and we were all together again, for the first time - we went to sleep after midnight with smiles on our faces.

The rest of the weekend went considerably smoother. I made shrimp scampi for dinner Saturday night, along with a salad of mixed greens and hot & cold mushrooms, and crusty bread with a homemade garlic sauce. I got a gigantic head of curly parsley, which was the only size they had, and used it liberally. I RECOMMEND THIS. It was divine.

The best part of the entire meal though was dessert, which I didn't actually make. The VIP MADE IT. He baked an apple pie - from SCRATCH! We're talking peeling the apples (something that was frustrating...its an awkward task if your hands are not used to it), making the dough, rolling it out, mixing the apple filling, and he even constructed a beautiful lattice top crust. It was his first pie and had I not been on my best behavior I would have eaten the entire thing.

I would post the recipe for the scampi, or for the pie, but meh. Scampi is easy. Butter, garlic, olive oil, shrimp, salt, parsley. Maybe red pepper if you want to live on the spicy side. Pour over linguine. The garlic sauce for the bread? Just mash up 2 tablespoons of butter with some extra virgin olive oil, and add freshly minced garlic and parsley; spread on loaf halves and broil until the top begins to toast. Add grated parmesean if you're feeling cheesy. Its so easy.

As for the pie? Well...you'll just have to ask the VIP for that. I have a feeling its soon going to become a Very Important Secret Pie Recipe. The secret ingredient? Love. :)

Lest I forget...

Monday Weigh-In:

Previous Weight: 159.2
Current Weight: 158
Pounds lost: 1.2

I lost weight while I was in Idaho! I ate scampi, and garlic bread, and this AMAZING stroganoff his mom made (I had 2 helpings) and pie and pizza and a ton of wine and sandwiches. Hey hey! Not too shabby!

The importance of being stocked

I was really in this whole cooking thing for a few weeks, wasn't I? Making everything there is to make. It was fun and healthy, and I was doing a good job of losing weight. Then this week, inertia just set in. Its not that I didn't want to cook - I love cooking. But school is back in full swing, which means late nights of finance homework and pages and pages of reading, and then my toilet broke, and then my neighbors went away and had this babysitter who did nothing but let the kids scream in the backyard for 10 hours each day...and work is busy, and the weather is crappy, and aren't those all just excuses?

Yeah, they're excuses. But I think this is how its going to go, where my love of cooking and futzing in the kitchen is going to wax and wane. This is why I am glad I went to the store this weekend and blew a big wad on stocking my kitchen.

When I get bored, I get snacky. And snacks for me are (or were) usually almost entire meals. Bowls of ramen with tuna and an egg; a turkey sandwich; half a chicken. Wow, it sounds gross when I type it out. And it is, because that's a gross amount of food for just a snack.

So I stocked up. Here's a brief and incomplete list of some of the finds I got this weekend, and that I am excited to have around the house:

- Strawberries, surprisingly fresh and juicy, on sale for $1.25 at Fresh&Easy
- Raspberries for $1.25 at F&E (it is my favorite store ever)
- Presidente brand light brie cheese (only 70 calories per serving, and it tastes great)
- Presidente brand fat-free feta cheese
- Polly-O low fat string cheese
- Fresh&Easy roast turkey slices (ridiculously lean)
- Radishes (slice and salt for a good, somewhat spicy chip replacement)
- Pickles (I love salt)
- Salad fixin's like romaine hearts. cucumbers, plum tomatoes, lemons, etc - very quick to whip up for a "big" snack if I need volume
- La Tortilla Factory high-fiber tortillas (I cannot sing the praises of these things enough. 50 calories, 7 g of fiber, no fat! THEY ARE AMAZING.)
- Sarah Lee Light white bread, enriched with fiber, and only 90 calories for 2 slices
- Thomas Light Whole Grain english muffins (100 calories, no HFCS, lots of fiber)
- Fat free cream cheese (I like better than mayonaise on a sandwich)
- Oranges
- Celery stalks
- Popcorn kernels for my new air popper, and some "I Can't Believe Its Not Butter Spray" stuff because wtf, why not - spray a little of this stuff on the popcorn, and a little sprinkle of garlic salt, and I am a happy snacker.

So I am STOCKED FOR SNACKING. It doesn't really matter that the only thing I cooked this week has been some warmed up leftover vegetable soup. Who cares. I just don't feel like cooking from scratch this week. So, having a prepared pantry has helped, and so far this week I've kept myself well within my Points limits, and haven't felt hungry.

I am going to cook Saturday night though, for the VIP and his mom (dun dun dun!!) I've got the menu planned out...I'll post about it later once its done, because a few things still need to be hammered out (like, do they have shrimp in Idaho? Because I'm going to Idaho to do this cooking and I'm not really sure what people eat there other than potatoes.) Wish me luck.

We got one thing in common

The concert pianist who doesn't practice at all before a major performance.

The Olympic athlete who blows off training weeks before his meet.

The singer who attends the rock concert the night before, screaming her vocal chords away.

The tournament poker player who never bothers to practice masking his tells.

The graduate student who puts off her thesis until a week before its due.

The public speaker who never glances at the speech he had his speechwriter craft for him.

The Weight Watchers devotee who thinks "If I just run 4 miles every day, I can totally go over my Points allowance and still lose weight this week."

We have one thing in common.

Monday Weigh-In:

Last week's weight: 159.2
This week's weight: 159.2
Change: 0

Another perspective...

The child trying to walk, that gets up after every fall.

The injured athlete who rededicates herself to training.

The disgraced performer who practices in private until he is ready for a comeback.

The addict who falls off the wagon and gets back on again.

The Weight Watchers devotee who has struggled with unhealthy food relationships, poor self-image, poor choices, too many excuses, and lapses in dedication for most of her adult life, who is going to make this week as good as any other.

Its just a horse, and you can always get back on it.

The Greater Goodness

I was super busy today, and that was a good thing. I didn't get a good night's sleep last night because of some issues with my veritable antique gas wall heater, so rather than go to sleep and risk CO poisoning, I cut power to the entire thing, and slept under as many blankets as I could. It wasn't THAT cold (this is SoCal, not Chicago) but it wasn't ideal.

So today I went to the store and got a CO detector, plus a ton of cleaning supplies, including a special fine-wire brush for Snowy's fur. I am sick and tired of finding her fur everywhere. I love my dog more than myself sometimes but she is a fur machine. Makes keeping my tiny apartment clean very difficult.

Here is what I did today:

- Laundry: sheets and comforter (which was not really dirty, just furry, and the dryer helps suck the fur off of it)
- Floors: This was the big stuff. My floors are orange Spanish tile, but they are rough and textured, so dirt and grease from my kitchen can discolor them to a dingy grey. This was hard work. We're talking arm-busting scrub brushing, ab-blasting mopping (3 mopping layers, the floors were SO filthy that water was black and I had to keep emptying the bucket and refilling it with more hot water and Pine-Sol), then I got a shammy wet and wiped the floor down, and then put on some white socks and skidding around getting up the last bits of dirt and pushed around dirty water.
- Bathroom: Toilets, sinks, wet-wiped down walls and ledges, finally sprayed the tile floor with a bleachy cleaner and used an entire roll of paper towels to wipe it down while on my hands and knees
- Dishes are done, man.
- The Dog: I used her "slicker" fine-wire brush, which pulled off a good big chunk of dead fur. Then I used a fine tooth comb to pull out more fur, and just alternated slicker/comb/slicker/comb until I was satisfied. I could have brushed that damn dog all day and she'd still have huge furry chunks coming out. She is a shedder. I wiped her down outside and let her get a good run in, and allowed her to rest outside. Then I brought out the big gun: The Dirt Devil Mini Vac. She hates that thing - just hates the noise. She's going to hate it even more now that I used it to vacuum HER. She was a good girl and just sat there, but man, if a dog could look pissed off - she looked it.

I ran every single day this week except for today. And that's OK, because did you know? 10 minutes of vacuuming, 10 minutes of mopping and 30 minutes of floor scrubbing (even though I did much more than this) is equal to the same amount of "Activity Points" as 30 minutes of jogging. Sweet!

I picked up a popcorn air popper today at the store as well. I need salty snacks, and chips will not do. A big bowl of air-popped popcorn, with a quick blast of butter spray and some garlic salt will be a great snack. It was like $20, but 4 bags of chips would cost that much, and this is better for my hips. HIPS OVER CHIPS, DUDES.

And finally, I read something pretty interesting this week about Americans and meat consumption. Did you know the average American consumes 12 oz of meat every single day? That's almost a full POUND of meat. If you ask me, that number just seems low, considering that almost every fast food hamburger is at least 1/4 lb of meat these days. Do the math on that...that's 4,380 pounds of meat PER YEAR per person. That is over 2 tons of meat. Per person. In the entire country. On average.

The feeding and caring of meat cattle consumes a huge amount of our natural resources, from aquifer water, to arable and farmable land to grow grain to feed them (grain that we could be eating or using for fuel)...not to mention the environmental impact from methane emissions and animal waste leaking into water sources (you do NOT want to live near a pig or chicken farm.)

Still, meat is delicious, and I firmly believe we are omnivores and are meant to eat from every edible food source on the planet. I love hamburger, steak, chicken, sushi, everything. But for my health, and for the stewardship of the planet (for whatever my tiny impact is worth) I'm goinig to make at least one day a week completely meat-free. Today was that day, and it was pretty cool.

I cannot say enough nice things so far about Weight Watchers. Its not just about dieting or counting calories. I've realized that it is causing me to completely re-evaluate my entire relationship with food. I am thinking about how the food I eat fuels my body; how the choices I make impact the environment, and those around me. I'm keenly aware of it all, instead of being ignorant and mindless. Food is so much more than just meat, vegetables, and our own private mealtime. I applaud the Weight Watchers program for helping its members create healthy and sustainable relationships to food.

Keeping up, with Tomato-Wine Braised Salmon

They say if you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. I've gone for a run every day now since Saturday, and I'm logging 3 to 4 miles each time. I did get a bit overambitious on Saturday, and tried 7 miles, but the heat had other plans for me and I only made it halfway. Thankfully my friends gave me a ride back.

I joined Weight Watchers on Dec 28, so I've only been on the plan for 18 days. Not quite a "habit" yet, but I am already marveling at how aware I've become of what I eat. Last night, I was really hungry after class. Before I started this plan, I'd go through Del Taco and come home with a quesadilla, two tacos del carbon, and perhaps a bean and cheese burrito. All at once. Serious story.
Once I realized that ONE of those little tiny tacos del carbon was almost 1/4 of my entire points log, I could not justify going through the drive through. Besides, one of those little tacos would never make me feel satisfied. Instead, I picked up some of these AMAZING high-fiber tortillas from La Tortilla Factory (50 calories each! No fat! 7 g of fiber! Tastes amazing!) and some imitation crab (I can't help it, I love that crap) and made a couple wraps at home. I even enjoyed a martini. My points total was over my daily allowance, but I ate more food and felt more full and better about myself the next day than if I had made a run for the border.

Anyway, its just good to face your old habits in the face. Its the only way to break them, I guess. And it wasn't healthy eating that caused my weight to blow up. I obviously was not in control of what I was eating.

This week I've been enjoying some leftovers, and while cleaning out my freezer I found a pack of salmon filets. Score! So tonight I decided to cook it up. Salmon is chock full of protein and good fats like omega-3's. This recipe uses very healthy, low-fat ingredients, and was extremely full of flavor. I had 2 filets in the package; I have leftovers for later. I really enjoyed this.

Tomato-Wine Braised Salmon


Two 3 - 4 oz salmon filets
Can of diced, low sodium tomatoes
1/4 cup red wine
Penne pasta (I used Ronzoni Smart Taste - it has added fiber and calcium. Barilla Plus is good, too.)
1 teaspoon crushed garlic
1 tablespoon fat free feta cheese (for garnish)

Place your salmon filets in a medium saucepan. Pour the can of tomatoes in the pan, and fill can halfway with water and add to the pot. Turn up the heat to medium and start to simmer. Add the 1/4 cup of red wine. Cover, and simmer on low until the salmon is almost cooked through.

When the salmon is almost just cooked (still kind of pinky raw in the middle) add in the crushed garlic and the dry pasta. 1/2 cup or 1 cup of pasta should be fine, depending how much you want and how much you're cooking. Cover again and allow the pasta to cook in the simmer sauce until al dente (if you need to, add just enough water to cover the pasta). The simmering liquid will cook the pasta, and inject it with a little delicious flavor. Mmmm.

So basically you just cover it and let it cook until its done. The salmon will be moist and flaky, the pasta will be soft but firm enough, and the wine cuts the tomato's acidity and gives the whole thing a nice richness.

Serve in a bowl and sprinkle feta cheese on top - its fat free, and incredibly tasty. A little goes a LONG way. I am liking putting fat-free feta on things I'd normally put parmesean, and its a really satisfying flavoring. This whole thing was so tasty and so filling and so delicious I cannot even tell you. I just hope you try it yourself!